Oklahoma takes its name from two Choctaw words meaning "red people." But the state GOP appears to be taking the name a bit too far with this nightmare before Christmas card. Enjoy, or cower in fear, depending on your views of a state with the second-larges population of American Indians and Alaska Natives.

Everyone wants to blame Sarah Palin and George W. Bush but the real reason John McCain lost the 2008 presidential election was his top adviser Martin Eisenstadt. The fun stuff starts 44 seconds into the following video:

"John McCain, as the head of the Indian Affairs Committee in the Senate, knows hands-on, full-well, the importance of [economic] development and how a casino can transform a people," Eisenstadt says. "Only 20 years ago, Indians were drunk and homeless and committing crimes. Today, they're prosperous and wealthy, driving Mercedes [with] satellite dishes on their homes.

 

From a forthcoming Sarah Palin interview on CNBC:

Yeah, yeah. Ted Stevens, you know, a sad day for Alaska yesterday when he was found guilty of seven felonies. But -- and now he needs to do the right thing, and the right thing is -- as he's proclaiming his innocence and proclaiming, too, that he will go through the appellate process.

OK, then he needs to step aside and allow our state to elect someone who will be supportive of those ideals of America: the free enterprise, the missions that we're on, to win the war, those things that have got to take place in order to progress this country. Ted Stevens has got to play a very statesmanlike role in this now.

The polls look bad for Maverick McCain but one segment of the American electorate remains strongly behind the former Prisoner of War: tribal casino patrons!

According to The Kansas City Star players at the Gold River Casino, owned by the still-recognized Delaware Nation of Oklahoma, have spun the wheels on their non-blurry Class II/Class III machines 281,506 times for McCain. That other guy only has 252,689 spins!

Clearly, that The New York Times hit piece backfired. So much for all that mud.

Supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama are circulating two videos that appear to make Republican opponent Sen. John McCain look like he always has looked: somewhat crazy!

In The Hoop doesn't know where these videos came from but they look like clips from a somewhat recent interview of McCain. In the first, he says "We all know that Native Americans aren't 'sovereign nations' because they're part of America, they're citizens, [they are] in our military and everything else."

The clip cuts off his next sentence, in which he probably says "But Native Americans ARE sovereign nations." Why would he say that? Because McCain is a maverick and that's just the kind of stuff he does!

In the second clip, McCain looks all somber when he talks about the "clash of civilizations" between Native Americans and Europeans. "Throughout history, the less mature civilization always suffers," he says. We agree 100 percent! The European Americans just gave themselves $700 billion to bail out their economy. Much much suffering for many many moons.

Are you an Indian voter who is still undecided about the 2008 presidential race? Then consider this endorsement from somebody in Connecticut:

If you want examples of some real heroes, I can think of three right now, strong leaders who served their people admirably, at great pain and suffering to themselves. Sen. John McCain, President Franklin Roosevelt, and Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Tribe, are all genuine heroes.

Who can argue with that! John McCain went to boarding school with Chief Joseph so he probably picked up a few leadership tips from the great Nez Perce leader.

Hey folks, it's time for everyone's favorite parlor game: Identify the anonymous "lobbyists" and "observers" in Indian Country Today who are blaming the National Congress of American Indians and by extension, House staffer Kim Teehee, for the failure of the Indian Health Care Improvement Act!

Everyone knows IHCIA passed the Senate earlier this year but never came up for a vote in the House. According to ICT's lobbyist sources, the nation's largest and oldest tribal organization -- which is holding its 65th annual conference this week -- is "partially" to blame for the outcome.

In The Hoop won't go into the merits of the claim, mainly because the premise is based on an earlier ICT story that also relied on lobbyist sources. But we will ask the Internetz to do what it does best: Gossip!

One of the lobbyists is obviously a man (or at least born one) because "he" says NCAI's "biggest strategic error" was failing to vigorously oppose an abortion amendment in the Senate's version of the bill.

“I was stunned that traditional Democratic allies in the House … believed that it was more important for them to make a point on [abortion] choice than reauthorizing Indian health care,” the lobbyist said. “Tribal leadership really needs to think long and hard about how it wants to move forward [in dealing with House leadership].”

So...any guesses? We figure it's a lobbyist who is probably not a registered Democrat but probably votes for Democrats, sometimes. Or so "he" says.

Moving on to the second lobbyist, ICT gives no clues about the source's gender. But we do get a hint! It's a "former House staffer who believes that NCAI and its lobbyists dropped the ball in dealing with the situation."

“The idea that the first-ever woman Speaker of the House would allow a bill that restricts women’s reproductive rights to go through the House on her watch just doesn’t make sense.”

The tone of those words makes us think this source is also a man because only men get indignant about issues not of their choosing. Our guess was cemented by this paragraph, later on in the story, about House staffer Kim Teehee, who is a member of the Cherokee Nation and is probably the most powerful Indian woman in Washington, D.C.

Observers also say that NCAI may have over-relied on its positive relationship with Kimberly Teehee, who assists Rep. Dale Kildee, D-Mich., co-chair of the Native American Caucus.

Let's see, one of the sources is a "former House staffer" and ICT goes out of its way mention Teehee, a current House staffer. This one sounds real personal -- You better watch your back, sister Kim!! Any guesses?

From Racked.Com: "Esosa is wearing a dress from Urban Outfitters, a blouse from a vintage store in London, shoes from an Indian reservation near Ithaca, NY, and a hat she got as a present. Her favorite store is St. Mark's Bookshop."

Questions: Did Esosa pay taxes on those shoes? How many millions of dollars in revenues are being lost on non-Indians who buy fashion on reservation in New York? Could the whole financial crisis have been avoided if tribes just followed "the law?" Can't wait for the next lawsuit to find out!

In The Hoop luckily wasn't called for jury duty but we feel sorry for the pour souls who are being forced to stare at Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) in federal court in Washington, D.C. According to The Washington Post, the 84-year-old curmudgeon "swiveled in his chair and looked intently" at potential jurors!

If that isn't enough to acquit, there is no justice in America. Even in an artist's rendering, the powerful Alaskan Republican who once claimed there are virtually no tribes in his state and then practically cried for being labeled a racist looks scary.

But given the potential witnesses, we might have to venture over to 3rd and Constitution to check out the action. Just look at the names: former secretary of state Colin Powell, Democratic senators Edward M. Kennedy, Patrick J. Leahy and Daniel K. Inouye and Republican Sen. Orrin G. Hatch. They must know a lot about house renovations if they are being called to testify.

Because tween sensation Miley Cyrus is sold out at MGM Grand at Foxwoods!. Or you better hope she needs some fancy dancin' backup for her act.

What would Indian Country do without Jerry Reynolds? The esteemed ICT reporter has been providing us with so many laughs over the years, we'd probably die without his unique blend of anonymous quotes, confused metaphors and 350-word sentences.

So we were very happy to read today's faux hit piece on John McCain, the Not So Great White Father (tm) who is trying very hard to be the No So Great White President (tm). Written in the true Reynolds spirit, the article got an anonymous quote for the ages, unattributed to a vague "Indian political veteran":

'I don't know this John McCain anymore. ... I don't know if this John McCain knows John McCain anymore.''

Anyone want to venture the identity of this alleged source? We'd like to say it was Ernie Stevens Jr of NIGA but that might be giving him too much credit! Stevens does hold a bit of a grudge against McCain but, then again, so does anyone else who has had the misfortune to testify before McCain since 2001 and not completely agree with what he tells you to believe.

So, basically, the source could be any of the following persons: Sharon Blackwell, Liz Homer, Montie Deer, Kevin Washburn, Ron His Horse Is Thunder, Phil Hogen, Elouise Cobell, Ron Suppah, Mark van Norman, George Skibine, Mike Jandreau, Harold Frazier or any random Navajo! It also could be any Indian over the age of 40. Oh well.

But at least one person was courageous enough to speak up! Elmer Savila, who also got a shout out in today's Tim Giago piece, is telling people not to vote for the former chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee:

''John McCain at one time claimed that he was a friend of Indians. ... He hasn't done anything substantial except hold an occasional hearing and talk like a friend. I'm telling everybody out there that he's not the guy. He's not the man for Indian country.''

But wait, there's more...

"The hell of it is, neither is the other one," Savila said, referring to Barack Obama.

You better stay at home this November, Indian Country!

Have you been inside any of the 50 homes owned by Sen. John McCain(R-Arizona) and his Sturgis Goddess Wife?? If not, let Architectural Digest take you inside one of his Phoenix abodes, where the living room is tastefully decorated with a cigar store Indian!

Yes, the former two-term chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee has a wooden statue of an Indian in his home! And look at all those kachina dolls. And McCain's many awards for being chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee!

Sure, this was published 2005, so it's possible that John and Cindy immediately went home and burned that wooden Indian. And replaced it with the more appropriate Chief Wahoo.

In The Hoop isn't an expert in all Indian languages but we're pretty sure "How" is not an accurate greeting in any of them. But Needham, Massachusetts, resident Fred Muzi insists the red paint, headdress and loincloth he dons every Fourth of July represent a respectful portrayal of Native people.

And how does he know? An "army buddy" who is supposedly Pueblo told him so! "I’ve just always found them fascinating," Muzi, the owner of a car dealership, told The Needham Times.

On behalf of all Native people, we say "No thanks."