America's favorite sweetheart, former Alaska governor and former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, is looking for a new job! Here's the word from Glossy News:

The Membership Council of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) announced this morning that they were reviewing an application for membership from Sarah Louise Palin.

But wait, you say. How is that possible? Sure, Sarah is married to Todd Palin, who is Alaska Native, and her children and grandson are tribal members.

Well it turns out that Sarah is Native too!

“Yes, correct, I am not a Negro, but I am a person of color. I am a member of the Ahtena, Copper River, Indian Tribe.”

But leave it up to the Ahtena (Ahtna) Tribe to disagree. Tribal leaders are saying Sarah got it wrong and she wasn't really adopted. So no Obamacare for her!

You all saw Avatar right? The one Doug George-Kanentiio called a "painful experience for Native people" due to its portrayal of a community being overrun by greedy developers?

Well, everyone has theories that the movie is really about the Navajo Nation and uranium, or the war in Iraq, or about some indigenous people in India, but the truth is that Native people are REALLY that magical, according to director James Cameron:

"Yes, Native Americans live in the most dangerous environment throughout the galaxy. Yes, they possess a priceless natural resource that promises to revolutinize the entire military-industrial complex as we know it. And yes, they ride dinosaurs in the same way that regular folks would ride a horse. These are just some of the things that make Native Americans the most culturally important culture of the 2009 Holiday movie season.

How do we know it's true? Just ask someone who fought during the Indian Wars!

"They are almost indestructible," states senator Orrin Hatch, R., Idaho. It makes me wonder how we defeated them so easily in the 1800s."

P.S. This story isn't true. Please do not email Lance Morgan.

From America's favorite news source, The Onion:

"The proud and ancient Cherokee Nation was thrust into the spotlight during a taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show this week, taking center stage as one-eighth of actress Cameron Diaz's ancestry. "How exotic," Ms. Winfrey commented on the What Happens In Vegas costar's heritage, briefly calling attention to the Cherokee people and their millennia of vibrant culture and tradition. "Tell us what it's like working with Mike Myers." The instance marked the highest-profile mention of the tribe since 1838, when thousands of Cherokee men, women, and children were forcibly rounded up and marched 1,000 miles to what is now known as Oklahoma."

Behind the Scenes: Collecting Headlines Funnier Than This (The New York Times 11/3)

Everyone's been making fun of the GOP.Com web site and so In The Hoop thought we would too but inclusion of the Indian Citizenship Act of 1924 in the "Accomplishment" list of the Republican Party seems more sad than humorous. So there you go.

From the TankaBar blog:

It is not often that a student creates such a non-traditional characterization of one of the Oglala Lakota's most cherished leaders. Crazy Horse is one of the most respected of all Lakota historial figures so it's pretty cute seeing someone poke fun at him. This was drawn by a student attending Crazy Horse School k-12 in Wanbli, SD which is located on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.

You won't catch us anywhere near Sturgis for the annual Biker Rally but we're glad at least one Indian was there to witness Steven Tyler falling off the stage during last night's Aerosmith concert at the Buffalo Chip Campground in South Dakota.

"I've never seen that happen before," Lance Yellow Robe told The Rapid City Journal. "But you could kind of see it coming because he was dancing all over the stage."

"I hope he's OK," Yellow Robe added "I could care less about the concert being canceled."

See you back in the saddle soon Steven!

Are you a werewolf/vampire/lobbyist from the Quileute Nation who has never been able to visit the Senate Indian Affairs Committee because Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-North Dakota) is always messing with your game by holding hearings in the light of day?

Well this week you finally get a chance to let the chairman and other committee members know what you think because they will be burning the midnight oil as they discuss Native Hawaiian recognition.

Business meeting will not be web cast, and will be followed by a HEARING on S. 1011, the Native Hawaiian Government Reorganization Act of 2009 that will be web cast at 2:15am EST

So hurry up and get to DC because this offer will be ending soon!

A reader responds to the The Dirt about the United Keetoowah Band of Cherokee Indians, the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma and assistant secretary Larry EchoHawk.

I read the UKB and Cherokee gossip about the Land in Trust deal. However I did not see a name to that article who wrote it and why should they get the right to give out suck gossip without signing their name. To me this is SOUR GRAPED. Why can't the mostly white Indians of the Cherokee Nation leave the UKB members alone? Don't they feel that they have enough?

Good question! Maybe the Cherokees just want Sour Wine! To go along with their Hard Rock Casino and recognition deal with the Delaware Tribe.

Sen. Al Franken (D-Minnesota) at SCIA hearing. Sen. Tim Johnson (D-South Dakota) on the left.
Finally, some real star power! Sen. Al Franken, Democrat of Minnesota, attended today's Senate Indian Affairs Committee hearing on gang activity in Indian Country. It was his first appearance as a member of the panel. "I'm honored to join the Indian Affairs Committee," Franken said.

Cherokee citizens inside the Beltway are still smarting over a decision by assistant secretary Larry EchoHawk to treat the United Keetoowah Band of Cherokee Indians like an actual tribe instead of, well, like the stepchild of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma. Who would have thought that EchoHawk, in the words of Secretary Ken Salazar, supports the right of ALL tribes to follow the land-into-trust process? The horror!

So it's not surprising that this bit of gossip landed on our desks today. And it's too good to pass up because it involves In The Hoop's favorite Interior Department attorneys -- Edith Blackwell and Scott Keep -- along with someone who worked for Gale Norton, who was the best woman to serve as Interior Secretary in history, ever.
Want to read more? You're going to have to click . . .

After 8,000 years at the National Indian Gaming Commission, is Phil Hogen finally going to leave and go back to the Black Hills of South Dakota? The Rumor Mill says Yes!

Hogen, a member of the Oglala Sioux Tribe, has been chairman of the NIGC since forever and everyone knows he wants to get out of town. But if he left, who would be in charge of regulating Indian gaming -- "acting" general counsel Penny Coleman? Probably!

We don't know for sure when Hogen is leaving but allegedly it could be this week. President Barack Obama is vetting a replacement so hopefully the White House will be announcing something very soon.

If you checked the witness list for tomorrow's SCIA hearing on the Tribal Law and Order Act, you probably noticed a familiar name: Troy Eid, the former U.S. Attorney for Colorado, who was pretty much the first and only federal prosecutor to publicly support restoration of tribal criminal jurisdiction over non-Indians.

Eid, who now works at Greenberg Traurig and is going to run for attorney general of Colorado, let a bunch of colleagues (and the media) know he was going to testify at the hearing. In a very helpful e-mail, he attached a copy of his testimony for all to read and offered a prognosis on S.797.

The invitation to testify came from Senator Byron Dorgan of North Dakota, the Committee chairman, who introduced this bi-partisan bill. This is the third time Chairman Dorgan has introduced a version of this bill, although this year the chances for success appear to be favorable.

So far so good, right? Of course! Then come this response, sent to EVERYONE on Eid's e-mail list, from Tom Heffelfinger, whom you might recognize as the former U.S. Attorney for Minnesota and who was nearly fired for paying too much attention to Indians during his time in the Bush administration:

Troy, good luck on this. I testified last year at Sen Dorgan's request on the prior bill. Perhaps you will have better luck. Tom Heffelfinger

Such words of encouragement! We can only hope Heffelfinger twitters the hearing tomorrow to let everyone know how it goes.

History is filled with accounts of European settlers being captured by tribes and being treated like one of their own. But the tale of a German boy who was kidnapped by a band of Apaches in Texas, takes the cake for the way it's described by Bartee Haile of The Diboll Free Press.

Eleven year old Herman Lehmann led his brother Willie, age eight, and two younger sisters to the far corner of the German family's frontier farm. The innocent children entertained themselves oblivious to the danger silently surrounding them on moccasin-clad feet.

Good thing those Apaches weren't wearing Nikes! That would have ruined the story. Continuing..

Herman looked up and straight into the painted faces of an Apache raiding party. Willie was instantly seized, but his big brother jumped to his feet and sprinted toward the farmhouse 300 yards away. The leader of the band quickly ran him down and, according to Herman's adult account, "slapped me, choked me, beat me and tore my clothes off."

..

Fearing pursuit by a pioneer posse, the Apaches raced at top speed through the underbrush. Securely strapped to the backs of two ponies, the naked brothers were cut to pieces by the mesquite and cactus.

Whoa there! This is a family newspaper, not a romance novel!

Somehow, Herman found some clothes and was quickly accepted by his new family, including his "squaw" mother:

Apache custom awarded custody of a child captive to his kidnapper, in Herman's case a respected warrior called Carnoviste. His childless squaw took such tender care of the unexpected blessing that "when she died a year later, I felt I had lost my best friend among the Indians."

But life among the Apaches wasn't easy. He was told that his family was killed. And then there were those pesky outsiders:

Skin color was all he had in common with the evil palefaces, whom he hated as much as any full-blooded Indian.

...

He recalled decades later, "I wanted to die a fugitive rather than be turned over to the white man."

Eventually, Herman did reunite with his family. But he didn't know who they were because he no longer understood German!

For the next 51 years until his death in 1932, Herman Lehmann was a split personality. Although most of his time was spent in the world of his birth, he regularly visited his red brethren. Who can say where he really felt more at home?

A happy ending. Who says ICWA doesn't work?

Hot news, from THE most reliable source on Interior Department matters...

It has been confirmed that the BIA, namely individuals in the Office of the Solicitor have developed a list of Tribes. More information may be provided at the conference at the Tunica Biloxi Casino next week.

So there you go, another reason to go to Louisiana for the USET strategy session on the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Carcieri v. Salazar!

PS. Not like we need to ask but Scott Keep and Edith Blackwell are probably involved in drawing up The List.

PPS. You guys know Scott Keep and Edith Blackwell are bad news, right?

PPPS. Confirm Hilary Tompkins soon!